Stress is one of the most pervasive challenges that both therapists and clients face today. In particular, caregiver burnout can rear its ugly head when, as providers, we are dealing with the needs of both our clients and our loved ones without taking enough time for ourselves.
For our clients, stress worsens any mental health condition, making it more difficult for them to regulate their emotions and daily lives. In particular, those in their 40’s and 50’s (the “sandwich generation”) may be dealing with both the demands of both aging parents and children, not to mention the stressors of work and relationships. Add to this women dealing with the major life change of menopause and you have all the makings of a major stress cocktail!
But the opposite of this — too little stimulation—can cause stress too. For example, if as clinicians we are only seeing clients and not having much of a personal life, this can lead to a different form of stress.
Researchers are finding now that there is a “sweet spot” for stress. To put it simply, it seems that leading an overly quiet life is just as detrimental to your emotional and physical health as having far too many commitments and demands.
The tricky part is finding where your personal “sweet spot” lies. It’s going to be different for everyone, because we all have different levels of introversion and extraversion, different cognitive styles, different values, and different goals. Just think about, for example, the 16 Meyers-Briggs personality types—each will have a different level of stress that they can tolerate well, and different activities that help them relax and renew their energy.
Recently, as I’ve become more proficient in the Solution Focused Counseling and Motivational Interviewing modalities, I’ve started using some simple concrete tools to help my clients assess how much and what type of activities they want to have in their lives. I’ve found that these also work very well when I apply them to my own life.
1. Make a list of values – what’s most important to them, where their vision sees them going in the future.
2. Use the values to create goals– this is time to brainstorm ideas for money, fun, social time, etc. It’s sort of an expanded “bucket list”. This can include vacations, a new exercise plan, learning, art projects, solo time, or social time.
3. Practice mindfulness. Because my skill set is mindfulness based, I encourage clients to sit with what feels right and what doesn’t. If they don’t have a mindfulness practice, I provide training and recordings to help them get started. After some time spent in mindfulness, I ask them to go back into their list and remove or add things, according to their intuition.
4. Create an ideal life calendar. Using a big blank piece of paper, I ask the client to divide it into the 7 days of the week, and make a schedule of when the things on their list are going to happen. This lets them see if they’re trying to take on too much. I remind them to take into account the things they know about themselves — for instance they may need a couple of nights a week just to do nothing!
5. Create a vacation plan. Just as much as clients need to accomplish things to feel good about themselves, time to rest and refresh is critical. I help to educate clients about the need to rest and regenerate neurotransmitters as well as helping the nervous system take a break to lower the levels of stress hormones in the body. I help clients to vision, put vacations on the calendar, and then plan and save to make the vision a reality.
6. Put the ideal schedule on the ACTUAL calendar. I help clients put their plan into action by marking off the time with family and friends, date nights, solo time, artist dates, and vacations. If they are open to it, I suggest they color code activities into different categories, so they can get the big picture and see whether their life has a good balance between social and alone time, work and play time, etc.
7. Take stock. I encourage clients to journal about how the schedule is feeling, or talk it over with a friend. I help them look at what’s working and what’s not, then adjust.
This method can be particularly helpful with clients suffering from anxiety and depression, helping them to focus on pleasurable activities and noticing the rewards that come from having more balance and regulation of stress in their lives. They’re useful for us as therapists too, because in our profession it’s really doubly important that we take good care of ourselves—so we can continue to support others!
Kypris is a registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist supervised by Amy Zakrewski-Clark at Caldwell-Clark Counseling. Her current practice focuses on helping couples create healthier, happier relationships. Please go to the Support Services page to schedule a free consultation.