Cultivating the Erotic Every Day

Cultivating the Erotic is kind of like cultivating gratitude. It feels good and it’s good FOR you…

Yesterday I heard Nicole Van Ness Sheppard, Psy.D., Speak about her research on women’s erotic lives. In her work she asked women to answer several questions, including:

“What does your full sexual expression look like?”

Most women answered that they could never allow that. 

So Sheppard also asked a number of questions about what holds women back from being as free sexually as they want to be. And here’s the fascinating part: most women put limits on their erotic life because they are afraid of being judged or shamed, most especially by their partner. 

It’s been my own experience that cultivating the EROTIC (anything of, relating to, or tending to arouse sexual desire or excitement) is something you can make a decision to pursue. It can be tough, because there are so many mixed messages out there. Women are supposed to be sexy in the bedroom but not in the office–and most especially not in front of their kids.

Men are supposed to be virile when women want them, but respectful and heart-connected at ALL other times. It’s a minefield of contradictions and unspoken rules. A lot of people choose to shut down their sexuality altogether rather than deal with any of it.

Many years ago I decided to take the risk. I was tired of feeling tired and uninspired in my life, and bored in the bedroom. Cultivating my own erotic nature has led to better health, mentally and physically, but I had to LEARN to cultivate it — even when my son was a baby, even when I worked a corporate job, and most especially through the transforming fires of cancer treatment and menopause.

Erotic cultivation has become a habit for me, like daily meditation. It was hard at first, but sticking with it yielded amazing results.

Today I want to share four ways that YOU can start cultivating your erotic nature every day (and they are EASIER than you think!):

  1. 5 minute lotion massage. Give yourself a five minute sensual massage after your shower. Take time to focus on rubbing the lotion into your feet, hands, and skin. Notice how good it feels to be massaged and the luxurious smell of the lotion. Breathe deeply and relax.
  2. Take time to make eye contact. Most of us don’t make eye contact when we are in a hurry. Take the time today to look into the eyes of your loved ones when you say hello or goodbye. Research shows that eye contact synchronizes brainwaves between two people.
  3. Give your full attention to your food. Each day, take the time to focus on what you are eating. Turn off the tv and allow yourself to savor the smell, taste, and sight of your food. (Note, conscious eating is also good for maintaining healthy weight).
  4. Meditate. i know. You’ve tried and it’s hard. Click here for the World’s Easiest Meditation that ANYONE can do. Meditation enhances your ability to be fully present in the moment — a key element of erotic space.

I would love to know how this works for you, so please take a moment to share a comment below.

Click here to connect with Nicole Van Ness Sheppard, Psy.D.

If you want help with recovering your sexual health, contact me for a FREE CONSULTATION to see which of my programs might be right for you. You can find the application HERE.

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